Sunday, September 18, 2011

someone like you



"Someone Like You"
by Adele

I heard that you're settled down

That you found a girl and you're married now
I heard that your dreams came true
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you

Old friend, why are you so shy?

Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
"I'll remember", you said,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Yeah.

You know how the time flies

Only yesterday it was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over, yeah.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
"I'll remember", you said,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead

Nothing compares

No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
"I remember", you said,
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
"I'll remember", you said,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead


Saturday, September 17, 2011

A-Z


Si A: A, B, C
Si B: What?

Si A: Always Be Careful
Si B: aha then?

Si A: D, E, F, G
Si B: ??

Si A: Don't Ever Forget That
Si B: ForGet That?

Si A: I'm H, I
Si B: What H, I ?

Si A: Happilly Inlove
Si B: so?

Si A: J, K, L, M, Just Keep Loving Me
Si B: hehe and how about N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z ?

Si A: No Other Person Quite Reasonable Shall Treat U Very Well Xcept me, You'll Zee (see)
Si B: (smile)


Sunday, September 11, 2011

Blood

A: Hi Mr C*. How are you doing?
B: Hi love. Not too bad (with a big smile)

A: (head nodding) I'm one of the student doctors here. I need to take some blood from you. Alright?
B: My blood? you? No, no no. I want an expert. Believe me, I have terrible vein. You won't get any blood. See (showing his bruised arms)

A: Oh, I see. Hmm, if you don't mind let me have a look first (applying tourniquet to his arm). Pump your hand open and close for me please.
B: Are you sure you want to try? Just once, OK? If you fail, i don't want any blood test today anymore. Deal?

A: I'll try my best Mr C. I can feel your vein here (giving no choice for him to say no)
B: OK, go ahead, be quick. I'm not gonna look.

A: Hey, I can see your blood flowing through the tube (very slow though, only half of FBE tube, should be enough for that. but U&E? CRP? LFT? CMP?
B: It gonna stop,won't be enough for three tubes. Not gonna give you blood (grinning at A)

A: Don't say that, now I'm gonna try moving the needle a bit, please don't move Mr C (arghhhh, no flow, try another vacutainer tube, still no flow)
B: (i told you so)

A: (give up) alright Mr C, I'll take the needle out now.
B: OK. I want my blood back. Don't throw it away! Such a waste (smile to ears)

A few minutes later, a nurse come for another venepuncture.

Moral of the story:
1. Give a try before you say no. Challenge yourself, you might be surprised with the outcome.
2. Believe what your patients say. They know their body best! More than you.
3. Persevere. Be patient. Practice make perfect.
4. Take it easy, be cool even though you lose a bet.
5. You won't be able to say no to the doctor or nurse 'cos they will find a way to convince you.


*Mr C is a 45 year-old schizophrenic man, BIBA to ED with acute dyspnoea, and wheezing. He has a b/g hx of poorly controlled asthma, hepatitis C, 150 pack-year smoking hx and COPD.



Thursday, August 25, 2011

a story


"Behind every person, there is a story. There must be a reason why they are the way they are. So, don't judge, get to know them first!" - Pain & Palliative Care Consultant, Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Faith

Today, I woke up quite early, went to the hospital, spent about two hours doing ward rounds with the palliative care team, clerked a patient and went home with an indescribable feeling.

For some reasons, I kept thinking of what I’ve witnessed during the rounds. Most patients that I saw today have life-threatening illness. They may only have few years to live or months or even weeks. Can you imagine that? What would you do if it happens to you or your loved ones? What would be your reactions?

We know that when people get bad news, they react differently. Some with anger, frustration, denial, crying etc and these are some of the emotions that I captured today.

“What have I done wrong?

“Never start smoking! Look at me now”

"Why me? It's not fair!"

"How can this happen to me?"

“God has punished me, real hard…”

“What could I have done to prevent this from happening?”

“I want to end this, why bother with anything?"

"I can fight this, have some faith and everything will be OK."

As a normal human being, I guess it is absolutely normal to feel any of those feeling. And if we are their carer, how can we respond to their emotion appropriately and sensitively? I have no answer to that….

And one of the patients says:

“I’m not that religious but I have a religion. Believe me, as long as you have a religion, it will make you stronger during your hard times. So, please have one. Have faith. A little faith will make you feel a lot better.”


Monday, August 22, 2011

“Mana Mak..?”


Mak berdiri di depan pintu. Wajah Mak kelihatan resah. Mak tunggu adik bungsu balik dari sekolah agama.

Ayah baru balik dari sawah.

Ayah tanya Mak, “Along mana?’

Mak jawab, “Ada di dapur tolong siapkan makan.”

Ayah tanya Mak lagi,” Angah mana?”

Mak jawab, “Angah mandi, baru balik main bola.”

Ayah tanya Mak, “Ateh mana?”

Mak jawab, “Ateh, Kak Cik tengok tv dengan Alang di dalam?”

Ayah tanya lagi, “Adik dah balik?”

Mak jawab, “Belum. Patutnya dah balik. Basikal adik rosak kot. Kejap lagi kalau tak balik juga jom kita pergi cari Adik.”

Mak jawab soalan ayah penuh yakin. Tiap-tiap hari ayah tanya soalan yang sama. Mak jawab penuh perhatian. Mak ambil berat di mana anak-anak Mak dan bagaimana keadaan anak-anak Mak setiap masa dan setiap ketika.



Dua puluh tahun kemudian

Jam 6.30 petang

Ayah balik ke rumah. Baju ayah basah. Hujan turun sejak tengahari.

Ayah tanya Along, “Mana Mak?”

Along sedang membelek-belek baju barunya. Along jawab, “Tak tahu.”

Ayah tanya Angah, “Mana Mak?”

Angah menonton tv. Angah jawab, “Mana Angah tahu.”

Ayah tanya Ateh, “Mana Mak?”

Ayah menunggu lama jawapan dari Ateh yang asyik membaca majalah.

Ayah tanya Ateh lagi, “Mana Mak?” Ateh menjawab, “Entah.”

Ateh terus membaca majalah tanpa menoleh kepada Ayah.

Ayah tanya Alang, “Mana Mak?”

Alang tidak jawab. Alang hanya mengoncang bahu tanda tidak tahu.

Ayah tidak mahu tanya Kak Cik dan Adik yang sedang melayan facebook. Ayah tahu yang Ayah tidak akan dapat jawapan yang ayah mahu.

Tidak ada siapa tahu di mana Mak. Tidak ada siapa merasa ingin tahu di mana Mak. Mata dan hati anak-anak Mak tidak pada Mak. Hanya mata dan hati Ayah yang mencari-cari di mana Mak.

Tidak ada anak-anak Mak yang tahu setiap kali ayah bertanya, “Mana Mak?”

Tiba-tiba adik bungsu bersuara, “Mak ni dah senja-senja pun merayap lagi. Tak reti nak balik!!”

Tersentap hati Ayah mendengar kata-kata Adik.

Dulu anak-anak Mak akan berlari mendakap Mak apabila balik dari sekolah. Mereka akan tanya “Mana Mak?” apabila Mak tidak menunggu mereka di depan pintu.

Mereka akan tanya, “Mana Mak.” Apabila dapat nomor 1 atau kaki melecet main bola di padang sekolah. Mak resah apabila anak-anak Mak lambat balik. Mak mahu tahu di mana semua anak-anaknya berada setiap waktu dan setiap ketika.

Sekarang anak-anak sudah besar. Sudah lama anak-anak Mak tidak bertanya ‘Mana Mak?”

Semakin anak-anak Mak besar, soalan “Mana Mak?” semakin hilang dari bibir anak-anak Mak . Ayah berdiri di depan pintu menunggu Mak. Ayah resah menunggu Mak kerana sudah senja sebegini Mak masih belum balik. Ayah risau kerana sejak akhir-akhir ini Mak selalu mengadu sakit lutut.


Dari jauh kelihatan sosok Mak berjalan memakai payung yang sudah uzur. Besi-besi payung tercacak keluar dari kainnya. Hujan masih belum berhenti. Mak menjinjit dua bungkusan plastik. Sudah kebiasaan bagi Mak, Mak akan bawa sesuatu untuk anak-anak Mak apabila pulang dari berjalan.

Sampai di halaman rumah Mak berhenti di depan deretan kereta anak-anak Mak. Mak buangkan daun-daun yang mengotori kereta anak-anak Mak. Mak usap bahagian depan kereta Ateh perlahan-lahan. Mak rasakan seperti mengusap kepala Ateh waktu Ateh kecil. Mak senyum. Kedua bibir Mak diketap repat. Senyum tertahan, hanya Ayah yang faham. Sekarang Mak tidak dapat lagi merasa mengusap kepala anak-anak seperti masa anak-anak Mak kecil dulu. Mereka sudah besar. Mak takut anak Mak akan menepis tangan Mak kalau Mak lakukannya.

Lima buah kereta milik anak-anak Mak berdiri megah. Kereta Ateh paling gah. Mak tidak tahu pun apa kehebatan kereta Ateh itu. Mak cuma suka warnanya. Kereta warna merah bata, warna kesukaan Mak. Mak belum merasa naik kereta anak Mak yang ini.

Baju mak basah kena hujan. Ayah tutupkan payung mak. Mak bagi salam. Salam Mak tidak berjawab. Terketar-ketar lutut Mak melangkah anak tangga. Ayah pimpin Mak masuk ke rumah. Lutut Mak sakit lagi.

Mak letakkan bungkusan di atas meja. Sebungkus rebung dan sebungkus kueh koci pemberian Mak Uda untuk anak-anak Mak. Mak Uda tahu anak-anak Mak suka makan kueh koci dan Mak malu untuk meminta untuk bawa balik. Namun raut wajah Mak sudah cukup membuat Mak Uda faham.

Semasa menerima bungkusan kueh koci dari Mak Uda tadi, Mak sempat berkata kepada Mak Uda, “Wah berebutlah budak-budak tu nanti nampak kueh koci kamu ni.”

Sekurang-kurangnya itulah bayangan Mak. Mak bayangkan anak-anak Mak sedang gembira menikmati kueh koci sebagimana masa anak-anak Mak kecil dulu. Mereka berebut dan Mak jadi hakim pembuat keputusan muktamat. Sering kali Mak akan beri bahagian Mak supaya anak-anak Mak puas makan. Bayangan itu sering singgah di kepala Mak.

Ayah suruh Mak tukar baju yang basah itu. Mak akur.

Selepas Mak tukar baju, Ayah iring Mak ke dapur. Mak ajak anak-anak Mak makan kueh koci. Tidak seorang pun yang menoleh kepada Mak. Mata dan hati anak-anak Mak sudah bukan pada Mak lagi.

Mak hanya tunduk, akur dengan keadaan.

Ayah tahu Mak sudah tidak boleh mengharapkan anak-anak melompat-lompat gembira dan berlari mendakapnya seperti dulu.

Ayah temankan Mak makan. Mak menyuap nasi perlahan-lahan, masih mengharapkan anak-anak Mak akan makan bersama. Setiap hari Mak berharap begitu. Hanya Ayah yang duduk bersama Mak di meja makan setiap malam.

Ayah tahu Mak penat sebab berjalan jauh. Siang tadi Mak pergi ke rumah Mak Uda di kampung seberang untuk mencari rebung. Mak hendak masak rebung masak lemak cili api dengan ikan masin kesukaan anak-anak Mak.

Ayah tanya Mak kenapa Mak tidak telepon suruh anak-anak jemput. Mak jawab, “Saya dah suruh Uda telepon budak-budak ni tadi. Tapi Uda kata semua tak berangkat.”

Mak minta Mak Uda telepon anak-anak yang Mak tidak boleh berjalan balik sebab hujan. Lutut Mak akan sakit kalau sejuk. Ada sedikit harapan di hati Mak agar salah seorang anak Mak akan menjemput Mak dengan kereta. Mak teringin kalau Ateh yang datang menjemput Mak dengan kereta barunya. Tidak ada siapa yang datang jemput Mak.

Mak tahu anak-anak mak tidak sedar telepon berbunyi. Mak ingat kata-kata ayah, “Kita tak usah susahkan anak-anak. Selagi kita mampu kita buat saja sendiri apa-apa pun. Mereka ada kehidupan masing-masing. Tak payah sedih-sedih. Maafkan sajalah anak-anak kita. Tak apalah kalau tak merasa menaiki kereta mereka sekarang. Nanti kalau kita mati kita masih ada peluang merasa anak-anak mengangkat kita kat bahu mereka.” Mak faham buah hati Mak semua sudah besar. Along dan Angah sudah beristeri. Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik masing-masing sudah punya buah hati sendiri yang sudah mengambil tempat Mak di hati anak-anak Mak.

Pada suapan terakhir, setitik air mata Mak jatuh ke pinggan.

Kueh koci masih belum diusik oleh anak-anak Mak.


Beberapa tahun kemudian

Mak Uda tanya Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik, “Mana mak?”.

Hanya Adik yang jawab, “Mak dah tak ada.”

Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik tidak sempat melihat Mak waktu Mak sakit.

Kini Mak sudah berada di sisi Tuhannya bukan di sisi anak-anak Mak lagi.

Dalam isakan tangis, Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik menerpa kubur Mak. Hanya batu nisan yang berdiri terpacak. Batu nisan Mak tidak boleh bersuara. Batu nisan tidak ada tangan macam tangan Mak yang selalu memeluk erat anak-anaknya apabila anak-anak datang menerpa Mak semasa anak-anak Mak kecil dulu.

Mak pergi semasa Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik berada jauh di bandar. Kata Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik mereka tidak dengar handphone berbunyi semasa ayah telepon untuk beritahu mak sakit tenat.

Mak faham, mata dan telinga anak-anak Mak adalah untuk orang lain bukan untuk Mak.

Hati anak-anak Mak bukan milik Mak lagi. Hanya hati Mak yang tidak pernah diberikan kepada sesiapa, hanya untuk anak-anak Mak..

Mak tidak sempat merasa diangkat di atas bahu anak-anak Mak. Hanya bahu ayah yang sempat mengangkat jenazah Mak dalam hujan renyai.

Ayah sedih sebab tiada lagi suara Mak yang akan menjawab soalan Ayah,

“Mana Along?” , “Mana Angah?”, “Mana Ateh?”, “Mana Alang?”, “Mana Kak Cik?” atau “Mana Adik?”. Hanya Mak saja yang rajin menjawab soalan ayah itu dan jawapan Mak memang tidak pernah silap. Mak sentiasa yakin dengan jawapannya sebab mak ambil tahu di mana anak-anaknya berada pada setiap waktu dan setiap ketika. Anak-anak Mak sentiasa di hati Mak tetapi hati anak-anak Mak ada orang lain yang mengisinya.

Ayah sedih. Di tepi kubur Mak, Ayah bermonolog sendiri, “Mulai hari ini tidak perlu bertanya lagi kepada Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik , “Mana mak?” ”

Kereta merah Ateh bergerak perlahan membawa Ayah pulang. Along, Angah, Alang dan Adik mengikut dari belakang. Hati ayah hancur teringat hajat Mak untuk naik kereta merah Ateh tidak kesampaian. Ayah terbayang kata-kata Mak malam itu, “Cantiknya kereta Ateh, kan Bang? Besok-besok Ateh bawalah kita jalan-jalan kat Kuala Lumpur tu. Saya akan buat kueh koci buat bekal.”

“Ayah, ayah….bangun.” Suara Ateh memanggil ayah. Ayah pengsan sewaktu turun dari kereta Ateh..

Terketar-ketar ayah bersuara, “Mana Mak?”

Ayah tidak mampu berhenti menanya soalan itu. Sudah 10 tahun Mak pergi namun soalan “Mana Mak?” masih sering keluar dari mulut Ayah sehingga ke akhir usia.


Sebuah cerita pendek buat tatapan anak-anak yang kadang-kadang lupa persaaan ibu. Kata orang hidup seorang ibu waktu muda dilambung resah, apabila tua dilambung rasa. Kata Rasulullah saw. ibu 3 kali lebih utama dari ayah. Bayangkanlah berapa kali ibu lebih utama dari isteri, pekerjaan dan anak-anak sebenarnya. Solat sunat pun Allah suruh berhenti apabila ibu memanggil. Berapa kerapkah kita membiarkan deringan telepon panggilan dari ibu tanpa berjawab?


cerita asal >> http://www.tokesah.com/2011/08/mana-mak/


Friday, August 19, 2011

why?

Hello! Hello! Hello! Is anybody out there? I'm going to be very frank here. I’ve to say, I’ve nearly forgotten about this blog, until last night. I received an email at 11.42pm notifying me that someone has posted a comment on my last entry. The comment goes like this “when will you post again? Been looking forward to this!”

Then, I clicked the link to view it on my blog, lo and behold, it was gone! 0 comment, in split seconds. It takes only seconds for her/him to realise the mistake, haha.

Anyway, thanks to this anonymous (^_^) for the wake-up call even though it might not meant for me. Today, I’ve decided to write my first entry for 2011. I’d like to share a story with you. A real story.

As scheduled in my timetable, I attended a CDAMS clinic in *** hospital. That day, I got the opportunity to sit with a psychiatrist. There was a middle-aged man who has been referred by his GP to have his cognition and memory tested.

What I want to share here is some pieces of his opinion about the world. He has many negative thoughts of almost everything - including the Gillard’s government, health system, just name it. But the one that concerned him most is “us”.

“I’m most worried about Muslim community in our country, more than anything! No offence to you young lady. As far as we know, everyone is welcome to Australia, either to work, to study or etc. But, day by day, the Muslim community has becoming larger and larger. And one day, they will take over our country!”

I was struck by this!

Why are non-Muslims afraid of Muslims? of Islam? They know from the fact that, Muslim population is growing and to date, there are 1.6 billion believers all over the world.

And I wonder why non-Muslims do believe that “we” can conquer the world and poise to become the planet’s largest majority? That’s interesting, isn’t it?

Why aren’t they concerned about the surging population of other religions of Vietnamese, Koreans, Sri Lankans, and Chinese?

So, there's something for us to ponder.